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Are Your Romantic Relationships Co-Dependent? You Need To Help Yourself First Right Before You Help Other Individuals
One of the greatest advantages of having close friendships is the fact that our friends can support and help us when things get difficult in our lives.
In exchange for the support our good friends give us during a crisis, most of us also help our buddies when they need it.
In a romantic relationship between two emotionally healthy people, the roles of giving and receiving help are balanced. Both people provide help and receive help from one another in approximately equal amounts.
However, you will find many people who always take on the role of being the helper, regardless of what relationship they're in.
These people have friendships that concentrate exclusively on trying to resolve the problems of their friends. We sometimes call this quality "co-dependency", and we may label those who are obsessed with helping other individuals "co-dependent".
A person who's co-dependent will tend to have relationships with those who have a lot of problems - emotional, social, familial and monetary. The co-dependent person may devote a lot of their own time, funds, and energy helping other individuals who have issues, while ignoring the problems in their own life.
Why would somebody be co-dependent?
A person who's co-dependent typically suffers from a deep sense of worthlessness and anxiety, and tries to derive a sense of self-worth by assisting or rescuing others.
An individual who is co-dependent may not know how to relax and feel comfortable in a friendship where both individuals are equals and the romantic relationship is based on enjoying each other's company.
Listed here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether your "helping" behavior may actually be co-dependency:
- Do you have a hard time saying no to other people, even when you are incredibly busy, financially broke, or entirely exhausted?
- Are you always sacrificing your own personal needs for everybody else?
- Do you feel more worthy as a human being simply because you have taken on a helping role?
- If you stopped helping your good friends, would you really feel guilty or worthless?
If you answered "yes" to lots of these questions, you might indeed have a problem with co-dependency.
This does not mean that you are a flawed person.
It means that you simply are spending a great deal of energy on other people and very little on yourself.
When you suspect that your helping behavior is a type of co-dependency, a great therapist or counselor can help you gain perspective on your actions and learn a more balanced way of relating to other individuals.
There are plenty of excellent books out there on the subject of co-dependency. One good book is neil strauss the game on the game strauss website. Many guys get girls by using this book. Support groups like Al-Anon can also help.
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